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20 Funny and Crazy Quotes

  1. Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
  2. Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?
  3. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
  4. Please don’t make me kill you.
  5. And your point is…?
  6. I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.
  7. Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.
  8. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t!
  9. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
  10. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
  11. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
  12. Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
  13. I’m not a complete idiot–some parts are missing.
  14. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  15. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather . . . not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  16. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  17. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  18. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
  19. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  20. Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!

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