1. Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.
2. An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
3. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
4. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
5. Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
6. You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
7. The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
8. No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
9. Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.
10. When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
11. Men only have two faults... What they do, and what they say!
12. You can't buy love on eBay.
13. If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
14. A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
15. Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
16. Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
17. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
18. Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.
19. By the time you swear you're his, shivering and sighing, and he vows his passion is infinite, undying - Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.
20. I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands.